Destin-Ation
by elitemassacre6
Summary: Rachel and Santana discover that they will be vacationing in the same place for the summer before Junior year. Santana tries her best to mend bridges she unintentionally burned on her way to the top of the social heap. Warnings: mention of sexual assault, probably a bit triggery.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: So I just came back from Destin, Fl today and while there I had this plot formulating in my head. Pre-season two Pezberry or even pre-season one is something I've been wanting to read and write and finally, this is what came of it. I also know that a lot of times I write Rachel with self confidence issues, some mild to severe self image issues, and sometimes a sort of inferiority complex to try and hurdle. This Rachel is young, 15, she's been bullied, teased, threatened, assaulted with frozen beverages...you name it right. I wanted to put all of that in here in a way that I felt I knew how to address. There are some pretty heavy things in this chapter as well as the language, hence the M.

When she stomps out of the ridiculously fucked up house her parents rented for them to spend the summer in, the last thing Santana expects to see is Rachel Berry sitting in a porch swing at the house next door. When their eyes lock, the singer looks just as shocked as she descends the stairs and comes up to her. Not sure what to say, the Latina just stands there.

"Santana? Well shit, this is unexpected. I mean...um Hi...? I wasn't aware that you were going on vacation here. How's it going so far?" She rocked back and forth on the balls of her feat, hands clasped behind her back.

"Like fucking shit. The house we rented is totally fucked. There was like black mold everywhere. I'm obviously pissed and so are my rents." She turned as she said this, watching as Christian and Elisabetta Lopez walked out of the dangerous house, her mother yelling into her phone about getting them another house. Her father was also yelling into his phone, looking more disgusted about the idea of someone renting them a house with such a high risk of all of them getting fatally sick. They both walked towards her.

"So what's the deal, Mami?" The tall Spanish/Italian woman finally hung up her phone, looking frustrated.

"It appears that we are, and I quote 'shit out of luck' until at least Monday by which time they will have that house ready to move into for the summer." She pointed past the house Rachel'd been at to the one next door.

"I've called someone who will do the check himself to make sure there isn't any more of the mold or anything else flagrantly dangerous. In the meantime, we'll have to stay in a hotel." The Lopezes were not happy.

"You could stay with us while they get the one next door finished. I'm sure dad and daddy won't mind. I mean, we've lived across the street from one another since Santana and I were in kindergarten. Come on in, we'll ask them." It wasn't until now that both the parents looked down and saw Rachel standing there next to their daughter.

"Rachel, mi nina? It's been a long time. I wasn't aware your father's were coming here for vacation also. Well then, lead the way, if they honestly wouldn't mind it would make it easier for us." All four of them walked into the beach house, the Lopezes behind Rachel.

"Dads, look who I've found!" The two men were sat at the long bench-seated dinner table eating chocolate banana tofu pie. They dropped their forks when they noticed Christian and Elisabetta.

"Neighbors! Hey, what's going on, didn't realize you'd be vacationing here. How's it going?" Leroy asked, motioning his hand for them to sit.

"We had the house next door to the left. Was completely unsafe, so we're waiting until Monday to get the house to your right ready. Rachel indicated that you may be willing to let us stay here until then." Santana sat down, digging in the pie Hiram slid her way. She and Rachel may not get along at McKinley, but they'd known each other since preschool and lived across the street from each other since kindergarten. They'd been best friends up until seventh grade when Santana started to realize that people found her attractive and decided to take advantage of it, unintentionally leaving Rachel, who was still lanky and a late bloomer, behind.

She and Brittany found each other randomly and they became best friends almost immediately. By the time the Latina had realized she'd essentially pushed Rachel away it was too late and their friendship had withered away to nothing. By the start of high school Santana had become the type of bully she and Rachel had faced together as children. All of it was her fault and she knew that. Maybe, Santana thought, it was time she made up for all of it. It was time she became someone who deserved Rachel as a best friend again.

"This is even better than it used to be, Hiram. Thanks for the slice." she remembered how much she loved his baking when she and Rachel had a particularly difficult day facing the bigger, tougher kids who called her and her best friend names they shouldn't have even known as first graders. The way some parents essentially taught their children to hate was disgusting and something she'd promised herself she'd never do when she found a husband and had her own children. When she'd finally come to terms with the fact that she was gay, she had to rearrange her ideas of how her life would turn out.

"Actually, Rachel made it. She's the chef of the house now. She wouldn't tell us what she put in it to make it so good though."

"Hazelnut, a little salt, and cayenne pepper. Eso es todo. Ningún misterio." She said, finishing her own.

"Anyway, you three can definitely stay here for as long as you need. Hiram and I will grab your bags while Rachel shows you the rooms." Rachel and the Lopezes slid off the bench and headed up the stairs. They went around and then up again to the third floor, Rachel showing them the master bedroom to the left and the equally large room to the right.

"My dads are in the room on the left. Mr and Mrs Lopez you can stay in this one. There's an en suite and walk-in closet as well as the veranda. My fathers will bring your bags up here, so make yourselves at home while I show Santana where she will stay." Rachel smiled genuinely at them and then descended the stairs, her former best friend behind her. On the second level their were three rooms and the shorter girl walked into a good sized room with a queen sized bed waving her hands around.

"And this will be your room, I'm just across the hall so if you need anything Santana, just yell. I have excellent hearing you know." She walked out just as her fathers came downstairs with the last bag and handed it to the taller girl behind her.

"It's pretty late for us old guys, so we're going to head to bed, Rach. Christian and Elisabetta appear to be doing the same. We're all going to brunch tomorrow so be up at maybe ten thirty if you'd like to come. We checked, and the restaurant has vegan options baby girl, so worry not." After speaking, Leroy leaned down and kissed his daughters forehead, hugged her, and whispered something in her ear that Santana couldn't make out from her position a few feet away. Hiram turned to her, that familiar smile curving his always kind features.

"And Goodnight to you, Santi. It's been so long since you've stayed with us, little one. But I remember how much you loved your goodnight hugs." She smiled in a way that Rachel hadn't been witness to for more than three years, her cheeks tinging pink. Hiram wrapped his arms around her then picked her up and spun her around, Santana giggling the entire way. When he sat her back down on her own two feet she kissed his stubbled cheek.

"Thank you, Uncle Hiram." She stood on her tip toes to press a kiss against the smooth jaw of Leroy Berry before she grinned and slipped into her room, closing the door.

"She's exactly the same, right Hiram?" Rachel walked into her room, falling back to relax against her own queen sized mattress.

"I think for the most part, yea. She's still so small. I would worry, but I have no doubt that Christian keeps tabs on her dietary habits." Their attention was averted to their daughter who had stomped on the wooden floors to gain it.

"She is not the same! At all! But you wouldn't understand...neither of you lost a best friend because you weren't _pretty_ enough to be around her anymore! You know what, whatever. I'll be ready to go to brunch tomorrow, can you vacate my quarters so I can get ready for bed please? I'm sorry for yelling." The Berry father's looked worried, but acquiesced, heading up the stairs. It wasn't until they were gone that Santana knocked on Rachel's closed bedroom door.

"Just come in." Santana did so, closing the door once she was inside.

"Santana, what did you want?" The Latina din't even bother to wonder how Rachel could tell it was her given the fact that the shorter girl was face down in her bed, her head buried under all her pillows.

"I just wanted to clarify things, and you're wrong... I didn't stop being your friend because I thought you weren't pretty enough. I didn't do it intentionally at all." Santana said, dropping all the fake lima heights vernacular that could typically be heard during any of her interactions with her former best friend in or out of the choir room.

"_Right_...I have it wrong. Well what was I supposed to take from the fact that you left me behind and became some kind of weird gorgeous girl coven with Brittany and then Quinn? Seirously Santana let's not bullshit here. Have you ever looked at the three of you in a mirror? Because I've had to stand next to the unholy trinity in the bathroom and look up to realize that I was no where _near_ as beautiful as the three of you. Maybe it wouldn't bother me as much if I hadn't realized it was why you dropped me like a sack of stale potatoes! But I did okay, so let it go." She had sat up on the bed to whisper yell her opinion on the matter, now though, she got up and walked into the bathroom, starting to brush her teeth while Santana stood there.

"No...no, okay I'm not gonna let it go. I love you, you were my best friend. And the decisions I made I made because I thought it would help me protect you from those idiots. By the time we were twelve it was only getting worse and I though it was different, I saw that they were escalating in the way they treated Kurt and the last thing I wanted was for them to kick you around like that physically. So I started dressing different and acting different and I don't know I guess I was popular or something. When i realized I could control those idiots I did. They stopped breaking Kurt's ribs and they took their attention away from you." Rachel rinsed out her mouth and pulled herself up on the sink to sit, thinking about the fact that everything Santana said had actually happened. Kurt went from having bruised and broken ribs to being tossed into dumpsters. She enjoyed a period of barely any bullying at all.

"I guess...I guess I get that but why couldn't you take me with you when you became popular like that. I just figured that when you met Britt and started to hang out with her more than me that maybe you had to be pretty to be popular like that." She was still angry, and more than that, still so deeply hurt. Santana stepped between her dangling legs, wiping away a tear the diminutive girl had fought to keep inside.

"You don't know what I had to do, Rachel. To protect you and Kurt and then Britt. I lost my virginity that year. And Britt too, for her...she's told me it's fine, she loves sex. But I know how important that is to you. I didn't want you to have to do that. Those guys were so much bigger than you, who knows if they would have tried to force you or...I was afraid for you. Rae, Bella, if all it took to be popular was beauty you would be there. There's only three ways for girls like us. The slut, the airhead, or the virginal ice queen. I had to be a slut, Britt fell into pretending to be an idiot, and Quinn...well Q was born and bred to be an Ice Queen whether she likes it or not. You're none of those things and I didn't want you to have to lose yourself to become any of them." She dropped her hands away to wipe at her own tears. When she and Rachel had been little girls making plans for their lives they'd never imagined how difficult it could all be.

"Oh Santana, i didn't know. You didn't have to do any of that for me...I would have been fine, I promise I would have."

"No!...no you wouldn't have been! I don't think you understand. A few times I barely got out of a situation before it became something that would have ripped you apart. I was damn near raped freshman year. Fucking twice. Eventually I just...I just stopped saying no and started to play the part of the slut everyone already thought I already was. If that had happened to you...I don't know what I would have done Rachel. It becomes impossible for me to keep my rage under control when you're in danger. You know that...How I would react if I found out some fucking asshole tried to force himself on you...?" Rachel hugged her tight, trying to get her to calm down a little.

"It wouldn't have happened to me, Santi. I'd have been fine" Santana shook her head, staring into her own dark, watery eyes in the mirror behind her former best friend.

"Everyone thinks that it'll never happen to them until it does. I thought the same thing. It scares me to even think about it. So I became the type of person that used to make both of us feel like shit to protect you from all of it. But then Quinn showed up and had you in her crosshairs. And no matter how hard I fight I can never seem to get her to fucking stop. She's so fixated on you. It's really fucking odd, Rae. I swear she either really fucking hates you for some random reason or she's completely in love with you. I'd put my vote on the latter any day." Rachel shook her head no almost furiously before hopping down from the counter to head back in her bedroom, pulling shorts and a tank top out of a dresser.

"No. That's ridiculous, you know how she's treated me, the things she's said. She was only ever nice to any of us this last year because we were all she had. No, I don't believe that. And it wouldn't matter anyway. I could never think about being with someone who bullied me, who could treat me like that. How could I ever trust them, right?" Santana smiled sadly, but Rachel's back was turned to her and she didn't see. The taller girl didn't understand the dull, deep, throb in her chest those words brought upon her. Nor did she understand the small relief she felt in realizing Rachel didn't want Quinn that way.

"Um...yea...yea you're right. I'm gonna let you get ready for bed, I know how you like to stick to your routine. Buenos noches, Rae." Rachel watched as Santana swiftly left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her. The singer wondered what was up with her, she'd left before she could get a word out of her mouth. Shrugging, she quickly got into her pajamas and then into her bed, grabbing the remote on the nightstand to turn the lights out.

She could find out if something was wrong with Santana tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: This chapter and the ones after it will mention Santana training for a marathon. I know absolutely nothing about this, but I love the idea of it and I wanted to include it in this story. If you find any information that isn't true regarding that, please don't hesitate to let me know. I always love to learn something new.

...

It was just after seven when Santana walked back into the house after her finishing stretch, dripping with her sweat and breathing finally under a decent amount of control. She drank heavily from her camelbak and quietly climbed the stairs and walked in to her room, closing the door behind her. Stripping herself of all her clothing and the water pack she had on her back, Santana walked into the en suite and turned on the shower to cold before stepping in.

"That's better. So fucking hot here." The marathon she was training for wasn't even until October, and it wouldn't really even be June until tomorrow, but she was all about working hard to be prepared for something like this. When she had told Sue about her plans to run the Columbus marathon the coach told her that she was, dare the Latina say it, proud. Sue went on to say that since she'd be training, Santana could still be on the squad but didn't have to participate in practices or any competitions until regionals. It meant handing over her captain's spot to Quinn, but she was happy to do so. And god knows Quinn was happy to receive it.

The year before she'd run the half and before that she had run a 10k for breast cancer research and one for autism awareness. Plus while still in Florida, there were a few 5k's and 10ks she found that she could run. Plus the 10k's and halfs she'd found back in Ohio. She felt like she would be ready by the time it came around to run those long miles.

A few moments later, she stepped out of the shower and dried herself off before walking back into the room to pull on underwear and a bra, pull her hair up into a bun, then slip a pair of basketball shorts and a tee shirt. Once she was downstairs she quickly ate two bananas with some peanut butter and then headed out the back door where she saw Rachel swimming laps in the pool. The other girl pulled herself up on the side of the pool to drink from her water just as Santana leaned down to pick up the basketball at her feet.

"Good morning, Santana! Just waking up?" Santana shook her head, dribbling the ball between her legs a few times as she approached the bikini-clad girl.

"No. Been up since five. I came back an hour ago from running a little more than seven miles. Why, how long have you been awake?" Santana pulled off her Nikes and socks, slipping her feet in the water next to Rachel.

"Half an hour. It took you two hours to run seven miles?" Santana shook her head, laughing.

"I'm training for distance running application. I'm not doing speed training just yet, so I have to take my time running these distances, because I can't just like rush myself through a half marathon and definitely not through the full one I'm running in October. Plus you know, stretching and cool down are really important."

"Wait you're running a marathon in October? You run marathons?" She looked surprised and more than that, impressed.

"I guess, technically yes. This is my first one. Why, is that hard to believe? Despite whatever people choose to believe about me, I work hard. _Especially_ for something like this." Rachel frowned. She hadn't meant to offend her. She watched as the Latina stood and grabbed a town off of the stack on the table to wipe her feet then slipped her socks and basketball shoes back on.

"Wait, i'm sorry. I'm just curious. What do you mean by especially something like this?"

"The Columbus marathon benefits nationwide children's hospital. It's really cool, actually. There's like a story...a kid, for each mile that you run. Additional motivation as if I needed any."

"That sounds highly admirable, are their other distances to run? I don't think I'm in shape for a marathon." Of their own accord, Santana's eyes traced over Rachel's body in the white bikini that she had on. She wanted to disagree.

"Yea there's a half marathon which is just a bit longer than thirteen miles. But it's still the type of thing you have to be committed to. It's not the type of thing you just pick up and decide you're gonna jump into. Anyway, I'm gonna go ball a little bit before we have to be ready."

"Santana, are you alright? Last night... we were talking about Quinn and you just kind of...you shut down and walked away. Was it something I said?" The Latina leaned against the short fence between the court and pool and sighed heavily. She wanted to forget about the entire conversation. Forget what Rachel had said and forget the way it made her heart ache.

"No...no. More like something _I_ did. I don't want to talk about it." She stood up and turned away to head to the court, sprinting towards the rim to slide up a finger rolled layup. Retrieving her own rebound, she dribbled back to half court before bringing the ball up, running a play in her head and on her own with Rachel still frowning and watching her.

The bikini-clad girl wants to insist she talk about it, wants her to explain what she means. The curiosity weighs on her mind for the next twenty minutes as she watches her...friend? Play basketball skillfully but alone. Eventually though, she resolves to ask about it again when it seems like the right time, diving into the pool.

Five hours later found the parents playing doubles a few courts over while Rachel breathed heavily against the fence. Santana chuckled, stretching out her hamstrings gently and then standing.

"It isn't funny. I don't understand how it is you seem to be so good at every sport I've seen you play!" Rachel pouted once she caught her breath, sipping heavily from her water bottle.

"Wait till you see me play golf tomorrow. And the only reason you probably didn't know is because I don't like to brag about it. I mean, why should I. My performance speaks for itself, right?"

"Was that a dig at me?" Santana shook her head.

"No. Though you do seem to _love_ telling all of us how much better you are than us vocally and otherwise sometimes, which hurts...and is generally not cool. I was just explaining why you didn't know. Athleticism is my talent, Rachel. Performance, musical or otherwise, is yours. I suggest we leave it at that." The slight pain in her voice was detected but not commented on. Instead, the singer watched as she walked away, the bottom of her white tennis dress swinging around her hips. She came back five minutes later, bouncing a ball on her racket.

"Come on." The shorter girl scrambled up, grabbing her racket and following.

"Were are we going?"

"Figured you might wanna go paddle boarding with me instead of standing around watching mi mami and uncle Hiram destroy my dad and uncle Leroy at tennis. Was there something else you'd rather do? They have jet skis, water bikes, and kayaks at the other place. Would you rather do that?" Rachel shook her head.

"Ooh, kayaking sounds fun! But I do not think I'm wearing the proper attire for that, Santana. We'll have to return to the house." The taller girl just walked to her car and popped her trunk, Reaching to grab her board shorts and handed a pair to Rachel along with a bikini.

"Just put the bikini on, then the board shorts. That's all i'm wearing." Rachel's eyes grew wide as she watched her friend pull off her dress to reveal the black bikini underneath, soon covering up the bottoms with her own pair of colorful board shorts.

"There's a locker room over there. Change and then just bring your stuff back here, I'll put it in my car."

"Why did you drive your car down here? Didn't you just get your licence? Thirteen hours is a long drive for a new driver, right?" Santana hopped up on her trunk and swung her feet off of her blue suburu wrx.

"I'm a great driver, and it was a great way to test that for myself. My uncle Luciano drives Indy in Italy and he taught me a lot. Why don't you go ahead and change, i'll be right here." Rachel nodded and walked away, Santana watching her as she went. She came back five or so minutes later, her olive-skinned abdomen visible. Santana glared at the group of guys who walked by talking among themselves about the two of them. She hurried to put away Rachel's clothes and tennis gear in the car then gently grabbed her hand, holding it in her own as they walked to the rental place.

Within ten minutes they were pushing off, the taller girl leading them out into the park of the bay safe for them to be in.

"You've done this before?"

"Yea, with Q and B in Vancouver last summer. My papi had a thing to go to up there, so they said I could bring two friends. I thought about asking you, honestly...but I guess you had been crying or something about how the two of us fell apart because of me. I went to your house and knocked on the door but Hiram, he saw me, hugged me...and sent me away. So I just asked Quinn to come in your place. I came back after the trip and he just shook his head at me and closed the door. I kept coming back over the summer and your dad's kept sending me away. I figured you were still just as broken up about it as I was, and they didn't want me to make it worse. Or that maybe you had decided that you didn't want anything to do with me anymore." She reached down to run her hands through the water, her hurt over the whole thing written all over the face that Rachel couldn't even see.

"I was angry, in pain, frustrated...I couldn't understand why you didn't want to be my best friend anymore. We were already at McKinley by the time I did. I was always crying and just barely functioning really. I would yell and curse and throw fits about you and expect them to agree, but they would always try to tell me that you were trying, that you still cared about me. I guess it's because they saw you trying so much, when I never did." She wondered if now was the time to ask about the night before.

"You can ask me about it, Rachel. But if I decide I'm done explaining myself, then I'm done." She slid her paddle into the slots on the side of the kayak and turned in her seat, sitting on her knees.

"Ok."

"I'm serious, if I'm done, I'm done."

"I get it, Santana. I know Quinn's your friend, Santana...and I didn't really mean to insult her by what I said. I was just being honest. I really can't see myself with her or anyone who's ever treated me the way she has. But it doesn't matter anyway. Even if she is interested in me romantically, I highly doubt she has any intention of ever revealing that to me or anyone else for a long time if ever." Rachel used her paddle to turn them to the left as they reached the corner of their safe area, keeping them inside it and sending them gently back towards the shore.

"It wasn't about that. Quinn chose the wrong way to deal with her feelings. That's her fuck up, and she'll deal with the repercussions herself. I just couldn't help but feel like if you can't even imagine being with someone who hasn't treated you right, how could you ever trust me again? I mean, if you can't, it hurts...I'll admit. But I deserve it, right?" She said, the half truth falling from her lips with too much ease. Santana barely understood the fullness of her issue with what Rachel had said herself, so she kept it close to her chest. Turning back around in her seat, she pulled her paddle off the clips and started pulling her own weight again.

"You don't deserve it, and I'm sorry I didn't think about how what I was saying could affect you, Santi. You know I don't ever intend to hurt you."

"I do deserve it...I do. I've stood there and let her say and do the most fucked up things to you, Rachel. Not to even mention the times I joined in because I was mad at you about you wanting pyramid nipples for whatever reason. You can't tell me I deserve any of this!" She had turned around, and now waved her hand between them.

"What do you mean you were angry with me about Finn? Why would you be angry about that?" Santana turned back around and started paddling, pushing them as quickly as she could towards the shore.

"I'm done talking about this right now." Rachel seriously didn't understand at all. What about her pining after Finn would've made her frustrated enough to lash out the way she had? Regardless of her lack of understanding, she let it go.

"Listen, I'm sorry okay. I'll leave it alone for now. Don't be angry with me ok? Let's not let it ruin the day." Santana looked over towards the wetlands to her right, biting down into her full lower lip.

"Yea. Ok. Let's get back though. I need to eat something." She said as she opened and bit into a nutrition bar.

"Yea, you're right, daddy just texted me. They're headed back to the house for lunch."

"I think maybe we should head to the grocery store to pick up stuff. There are some things I need to pick up for the next few days." A few minutes later, they pulled up on the shore, greeting the girl who came over to put their kayak and paddles away. Santana handed Rachel a tank to go over her bikini top and put one on herself once they were in the car.

"Like what things do you need?"

"Sweet potatoes, low fat yogurt, black beans, any kind of leafy greens, whole grain pasta and cereal, frozen berries and stuff like that. Nutrient dense foods." Rachel thought about it, the nutritional plan it seemed her friend was on made her worry less about how small and lithe she was.

"Its good to know, honestly. My fathers were momentarily concerned over how thin you are."

"I eat plenty ok. Your dads were checking to make sure I was actually eating this morning and it was pissing me off. I guess I get it though. We're family right? They're allowed. I would worry too if you were like this without the appropriate diet and obvious reason. I worry anyway, you know that." Rachel nodded, thinking heavily.

"_Are_ we family still?"

"Of course we are. We promised each other remember? That no matter what happened we would be family somehow in some way. Despite how horrible I've been...despite me maybe making you think it isn't true Rachel, we'll always be family. I'll always love you." She parked the car and pulled the keys out, turning in her seat to slide her hands over the soft olive skin of Rachel's cheeks.

"Always okay? I'll find another way to make sure you, Kurt, and Britt are safe. I don't want you to have to wonder about whether we're still family, whether I still love you as my best friend anymore, Bella." Rachel leaned in to the gentle strength of her hands, closing her eyes. Santana leaned their heads together, closing her own eyes.

"Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: So if you haven't noticed, some things are au in this fic. For example, Finn and Santana never slept together. He's not so much of an asshole, but still kind of an idiot. No Brittana beyond a former best friends with benefits thing. Coach sue is still kinda crazy but not completely, didn't try to shut down glee club. Nothing too crazy I think. Will Shuester is still a totally useless excuse for a leader.

**A/N**: I realize I have the habit of including sentences or words in other languages. I'll try to remember by the end of this chapter to include a translation. Now that I mention that, let's clear this up. Santana is fluent in both spanish and Italian. Rachel is fluent in spanish and getting there on the italian. She's also getting there on hebrew which she'd just started to teach Santana when their friendship started to fall apart. I think that covers that.

...

It had been a week since the conversation at the marina, and the Lopezes were already moved into the house next door. In many ways, nothing had changed, the two families still spent the majority of their time together, but between Rachel and Santana things were strained. Their conversations never delved below surface level.

She was beyond frustrated with her best friends refusal to talk about anything important. Rachel wanted to force her to talk about what could have possibly made her angry about Finn. After all, it was her who'd been wronged.

However, considering the fact that she'd told her about the way she'd nearly been sexually assaulted before, and quietly alluded to the fact that there may have been an instance in which it had actually happened, Rachel worried about her. She didn't want to force her to relive any of that, or trigger anything...as if she knew anything about that. Fortunately, she didn't.

Finally, she climbed out of the pool and pulled on sandals and her black silk cover up. It barely reached her the top of her thighs, but it was dark out and still sweltering, so it was fine. She opened the gate and walked onto the basketball court, walking to stand in front of her friend, who was sitting on the bench sipping from a bottle of coconut water.

"Were you angry about Finn because he had something to do with one of the events in which you mentioned you were...were forced? I hate to bring it up, but if that is the case I think it would be important to tell me. After all, I did tell Finn that I would consider the possibility of a relationship with him while I was here and tell him once I got back home. If there was any danger about him, you should tell me now, Santana." The latina shook her head and tossed her empty bottle in the recyclable box she'd put out next to the bench.

"No, no. Finn's not that kind of guy as far as i can tell. He's...childish and simple but kind of idiotically sweet too." It wasn't like she hated the guy at all. In fact she liked him. But she didn't want him with Rachel. She didn't want any of those guys with her. Quinn either.

"Then what was it? I just don't understand, Santi. And I was afraid to push you about it, but just...just tell me."

"I owe you as many explanations as I have to give, right? I barely understand it myself Rachel but...I just didn't want the two of you together. I was jealous I guess." Rachel was confused for half a second, then her eyes went wide.

"Wait, do you...are you interested in Finn? Were you jealous of Quinn and then me?" It would make a little bit of since, the shorter girl thought. Santana had known the boy far longer than her, seeing as he'd been dating Quinn since like freshman year.

"What?! Fuck no! Is that what that made you think? No, Rachel...I was jealous of _him_. Him, not her."

"You're interested in Quinn?" She was grasping for straws.

"Rachel, for gods sake bella, i meant you. I'm into _you_...you, okay?" Rachel sat down in her shock, breathing deeply.

"I...I don't..." What was she meant to say?

"I was just figuring it out myself okay, that's why I didn't want to tell you. I was processing, that's all. And I didn't want you to know. Like...Rae we're just now trying to fix what I single-handedly fucked up, how is this supposed to do anything but make it more complicated than it needs to be? And merda, we're living next to each other for the next two and a half months. We live across the street from each other at home. This is bound to be awkward...It's wrong." If Rachel had just let it be she would have told her when she figured it out completely for herself. She stood up and grabbed her towel, slowly walking toward the driveway to leave towards her house.

Rachel let her walk away. She hadn't said more than three broken words. She didn't understand how her needing to understand had turned into this. She should have left it alone, she realized that now. She didn't know what to do. Santana hadn't asked anything of her, and she guessed she wouldn't. It was her who had felt the need to push things.

Finally, she got up and walked in the house and up to her room, falling back on her bed with a frustrated sigh. She didn't know how to deal with this. She didn't even know how she felt about it besides being ridiculously flattered. She did, however feel like perhaps an apology was in order on her behalf. Santana had apologized for her behaviour many times, and Rachel couldn't help but feel like she should have perhaps been patient and let her best friend come to her about it when she was ready. She would do it tomorrow if Santana would even talk to her. She was well aware of how the other girl acted with a bruised ego, but not with her heart on her sleeve.

Rachel was sure of one thing. Knowing how Santana felt about her made her think about the way the girl had been acting around her since they'd met outside that first night of their vacations. She remembers the I love you's, the beautiful's spoken in fluent italian, soft hands against her cheeks, the eyes that seemed to shine with pure affection towards her. All the things that made her heart race, that made her smile, that made her want more.

Rachel surprised herself thinking this, for she did not know what at all she meant by more. She only knew she wanted it, craved the I love you's and those thin but strong arms around her, the eyes shining with love for her. That's all she knew, and it caused her to get up and pull off all she was wearing to pull on sleepwear and then flip flops and then leave the house again.

She opened the Lopezes door with her own key, locked it behind her, and went upstairs, finding Santana's door open. The houses had near identical layouts on the inside, different really only on the outside. She stepped out of her sandals and lay down in the bed. Santana, who's eyes had been closed in the darkness of her room, grumbled and sighed.

"Rachel...letting me walk away was a good decision, you didn't have to follow. Datemi solo tempo, bella." Rachel just let herself relax into those arms, her eyes closing. Her friends hand was in her hair, nails softly raking against her scalp. It was making it harder to stay awake.

"Parleremo domani, bene?"

"Bene. Buono notte." Santana sighed and leaned just a few inches to press a kiss to Rachel's forehead.

"Buono notte, Bella."

...

**A/N**: Translations. (only slightly late)

Merda: Shit

Bella: Beautiful

Datemi solo tempo: Just give me time

Parleremo domani, bene?: We'll speak tomorrow, ok?

Buno notte: Good night


	4. Chapter 4

"I don't know how else to start this so I'll just say that I think I owe you an apology. So, Rachel, I'm sorry." It was already forty five past nine at night. Family activities had kept them from the important conversation they'd been trying to have all day. It was only now that the parents were off at a dinner double date thing that they had any piece in the two homes.

"No, you don't have to say that. I should be apologizing. If I had just let you tell me about it in your own time like you asked me to we wouldn't be in this particular predicament. I was just so curious and then I wondered about what you'd said before in conjunction with my possible relationship with Finn. And I felt like you owed me answers due to our history." She looked sullen, but Santana just shrugged, kicking her feet lazily in the larger pool behind the Lopez's summer house.

"Ok...and that's fine, Rachel. Because I do. I owe you answers or anything else you want or need from me."

"I don't know...maybe you do. But I don't think that way. I wouldn't call that in, I like to _tell_ myself i'm not that type of girl. I'm sorry for pressuring you the way I did." She leaned back in the deck chair, chewing her lip.

"It's forgiven, Rachel." The shorter girl leaned forward from the position she was in, sitting on her own legs.

"I thought we'd be more awkward, you know. After...after what you told me."

"Aren't we though? I'm sitting at the edge of the pool and you're up there sitting in a deck chair. It's pretty obvious you decided it would be a good idea to keep at least ten feet between us at all times unless it's impossible to do so. But whatever. I'll try not to hurt myself worrying about it.

Santana stood and pulled off her running shorts, exposing the bottoms to the blood red bikini she had on underneath. She walked slowly towards her smaller friend, eyes focused on lighter brown. Whether she liked it or not, seduction was something people thought was her true area of expertise. Regardless of how untrue that was, it wasn't her intention here. She sighed when the brunette in front of her backed up even further into her chair.

"See? Seriously, Rachel. I'm not some sort of big, mean, lesbian predator or something. Like oh mio dio, chill out. Seriously, please. If being less than ten feet away from me makes you so uncomfortable, why don't you just go home. I'm gonna swim some laps." She turned around and went to descend the stairs, but suddenly had arms around her waist.

"Wait! I'm not uncomfortable with you Santana." Said girl turned when Rachel let go and sat down at the edge of the pool. She slid into the pool, resting her arms against the side.

"Then what is it?"

"Well, usually when a guy tells me he's into me, he wants something. Like Finn wants me to be his girlfriend, Puck wanted me to have sex with him, Jesse was obviously following Shelby's orders like a self-centered lap dog. You've neither shown me nor told me what it is you want from me, and it's taking me out of my comfort zone." Rachel slid her legs into the warm water next to her oldest friend, unable to resist her need to be closer to her.

"See, this is where _I_ school _you_ a little bit, bella. The reason i have yet to tell you what I want from you is because that has nothing to do with it. You can like someone because of something they can give you, sure, but it's selfish. Loving you has very little to do with what I want, and nothing to do with what I might get from you. That's the difference between me and those idiots, ok. Just so you know."

"But Finn loves me. He told me that." Santana nodded, laying her head down on her arms as she thought about what to say.

"I'm not saying he doesn't, Rachel. In fact I believe he does." She let the 'in his own way' go unsaid.

"Then what are you saying?"

"You said you didn't know what I wanted from you, the answer is nothing. You're my friend again, that is perfect. I don't even deserve _that_ from you."

"You do deserve it. I've forgiven you, Santana."

"I know you have, beautiful. But Rachel, I will _never_ forgive _myself_ for what I've done to the both of us. You're a better person than I will ever be, no matter how hard I try to fix the messes I've made. I don't talk about it a lot or broadcast it like Quinn... ma, lo credo in dio. And I _know_ that he blessed me with you. How could I ever ask him or you for more than what I have?"

"I guess...if you truly see it that way..." She didn't know what to say. The way that Santana showed she loved her made her beat faster in her chest, her eyes locked to those as dark as the night above them.

"I do. Thank you, Beautiful." Rachel slid her hand forward, slipping her fingers in between Santana's own.

"You're welcome. Do you still intend on swimming laps?"

"Yea. Why, what are you gonna do?" Rachel held up her kindle with her free hand and smiled.

"I just intend to read. I may have talked Principal Figgins into giving me my schedule for next year early, along with what the classes would be covering. I prefer to be ready for things, you know." The other girl couldn't help the laugh that bubbled up in her chest, so she let it escape and wash away all the stress from her body.

"I do know. I love that about you. I think I'll swim like maybe twenty five and then maybe we can go watch a movie or something before bed?"

"That sounds wonderful, Santana. I'll wait for you." The girl in the pool lifted up their joined hands and pressed a soft kiss to Rachel's palm before she let go, kicking off the wall to start her laps.

...

After swimming 1,025 feet and taking a long hot shower Santana sat on her bed, running her comb through still-damp hair as Rachel sat frowning and texting into her phone, the dvd menu for Sherlock Holmes waiting for them to make a decision.

"Tutto bene?" She watched her best friend huff and even scowl at her innocent phone as she grabbed a tie and pulled her hair into a comfortable bun.

"Not particularly, no. Finn thought that it would be reasonable to text me, even as late as it is, that I should decide right now whether I want to be his girlfriend or not. Apparently there is another interested party that he has an actual developed interest in and he thought perhaps I would like to stake my claim now instead of later to make sure that she doesn't." Santana put her comb away and scooted closer, cuddling her overstuffed pillow.

"Would I be correct in assuming that this other party is Ms. Lucy Quinn Fabray?" She doesn't mean for the name Lucy to even fall from her lips, but it does, and Rachel tilts her head just a bit, brow furrowed in curiosity.

"Lucy? Is that Quinn's first name? I never thought to wonder whether the name she gives is the one she was given. I wonder why she-"

"I apologize for interrupting you. Yes, it's her name. And I know neither she nor I deserve any kindness from you, but please don't mention that you know that to anyone. _Especially_ to her." All she can do is squeeze her pillow a little tighter while the other girl stares into her eyes for a few moments.

"Um...ok. I won't say anything."

"Thank you. It was Quinn, right?" Rachel nods, her eyes turning away to stare at the moon out the window.

"Yes. Apparently they've been talking while we've been gone and he thinks it may be a good idea to try and regain what they've lost. He apparently hesitated to make it 'official', as if I don't understand what that means, while the two of us are considering a relationship together."

"And what did you say?"

"I told him that he should do what feels right and he thanked me for helping him make to decision to get together with Quinn. He also thanked me for being such a great _friend_." Santana smiled at her sadly. It was obvious that her best friend was hurt. People telling her they loved her and then leaving her to go with what Rachel may consider the easier option probably seemed like the game plan the universe had in play for her from the small performer's perspective.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Rachel. I know how much you care about him. I don't wish them ill or whatever, but perhaps by the time school starts again Finn'll be single and you can be together, right?"

"_Are_ you sorry to hear it?" The bright, clear brown eyes across from her wouldn't meet her own darkness, so Santana slid closer across her fluffy white duvet.

"What?"

"I just mean...If you want me like you say... you don't want me with anyone else, right?"

"Rachel. I never said that I want you for myself. In fact I believe that I said I don't want or need anything from you besides your friendship."

"But...isn't that what wanting someone is? A desire to have someone be with you and no one else? And how can a friendship be all you need from me? I just don't understand. Not really. I was thinking that maybe I love Finn. And his friendship is important to me, but I want far more than that between us. Isn't that the same?"

"I guess, maybe that's what 'wanting' someone is. But not for me. And I know you don't understand. I'm sorry about that. I just mean that I want you to be happy, bella. If you love him, and Finn is the person who can make you happy, then that's perfect. For him to choose someone else hurts you, I can see that. I don't want to see you hurting, Rachel." The latina hadn't really wanted to talk about it anymore in the first place. Considering the fact that Rachel's lack of understanding of her motives towards her made it all to clear that her love was not reciprocated, at least as far as she could tell.

"Ok. I get it, Santana. You're in my corner. It makes me wonder who's in yours. Brittany? Quinn?"

"Yea...I guess they are. But I like to think these things aren't mutually exclusive."

"I like the idea of that." They ignored the dimmed television screen as they talked, both laid against the taller girl's fluffy pillow.

"Oh?"

"Yes. You and I both supporting each other...it feels like the way of the world is right again."

"That, bella, is exactly how it feels."

...

A/N: thanks for reading. Working on another chapter for lifelines and also for speed dial

Translations:

Oh mio dio: Oh my god

ma, lo credo in dio: but, I believe in god

Tutto bene?: Everything okay?

Bella: beautiful


End file.
